Deer!

This is coolbert.

WARNING: PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING CAREFULLY BEFORE CONTINUING.

If you are a member of PETA, hit ESCAPE now.

If you are self-described "animal person" or "animal lover", hit ESCAPE now.

If you are a pacifist who would be too troubled to even kill a fly, hit ESCAPE now.

If you a sensitive person easily offended by descriptions of blood and gore, hit ESCAPE now.






Please note: The following is for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES only.

Here is a method by which "two birds can be killed with one stone".

BIRD NUMBER ONE.

One "bird" is the wild white tail deer population of the Chicagoland area.

Proliferation of this species in such abundance has created a disaster in several aspects.

One aspect is ecological disaster for forest preserve areas inhabited by the deer. Oak forests comprising the preserves are unable to regenerate themselves as the deer, grazing, are of such prodigious numbers that they eat almost all newly sprouted oak trees to the ground. In addition, some preserves, once located in what were essentially rural areas, are now often totally surrounded by sub-divisions. Where this is so, the deer tend to act as pests, eating ornamental plants of gardening homeowners to the ground.

THESE FOREST PRESERVES WERE NEVER INTENDED TO ACCOMMODATE IN THE NATURAL STATE SUCH LARGE NUMBERS OF DEER. THE DEER ARE EATING THEMSELVES OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME, ALMOST LITERALLY SO, IF NOT LITERALLY SO!!

Secondly, the deer, during the mating season, around November, are involved in numerous traffic incidents. The deer, especially the bucks, during this period of heightened sexual activity, go berserk and become magnets for autos and vans of humans. A whole bunch of really horrific accidents with fatal consequences for the deer occur during this period. Image the trauma caused when such collisions between deer and car/vans occur. The deer is splattered all over the road. A lot of damage is done to the car/van. Children inside the car/van are exposed to seeing Bambi killed. "You killed Bambi!!", cry the small children.

[During the period of heightened sexual activity, deer collide with cars/vans at a rate of five hundred [500] times greater than normal!! As I said, the bucks go absolutely bonkers [crazed] in the pursuit of females, becoming totally oblivious to vehicular traffic!!]

Worst of all, even the most innocuous measures proposed or taken to solve the deer overpopulation problem seems to be too much for some folks to handle. People, oblivious seemingly to all the damage caused by the deer, are just too enamored of wildlife to see almost anything done to control the deer population

[Please keep in mind here that what this situation represents a totally unnatural environment that would NOT be found in the pristine, unspoiled state. NO natural controls on the deer population exists here that would be normally found if the balance of nature was present. Predators such as wolves, mountain lions [pumas], etc., would kill and eat a goodly number of the deer, keeping the size of the herd in check so that a balance is maintained. These predators are not present, the deer proliferate unchecked, and ecological damage runs amuck. [not to mention deer and vehicle collisions.]]

And a lot of solutions have been proposed.

Trap the deer and ship them to remote rural areas where they will be more at home. A more natural environment.

Use bow hunters to hunt the deer. [culling]

Use marksmen shooting downward at the deer from tree stands. [culling]

[the marksmen shoot downward so as to minimize damage to property and also potential danger to the local populace.]

Feed the deer grain that renders them sterile. They cannot conceive offspring. [culling, but non-violent]

For the most part, NONE of this stuff is ever implemented. Even to propose is to risk being called a killer and murderer by folks that know better.

Culling of the deer populations is THE solution, but almost never done!!

Deer populations are totally out of control!!

BIRD NUMBER TWO.

The second "bird" is the lack of serious, realistic training available for U.S. Army reservists and National Guardsmen.

During peacetime, Army reservists and Guardsmen are usually at a want for serious and realistic training. This becomes a major issue for retention of trained troops. "I am bored. I am so bored!!", is a common refrain for reserve and Guard troops who train one weekend out of the month year round. There never seems to be enough time, facilities, or planning to get real training done. And especially with regard to realism [real-world is what it is called]. Canned exercises [MAPEX, FTX, CPX, etc.] of themselves can become boring too if over utilized!! You have all these thousands of troops chomping at the bit, ready to go, and then, NOTHING happens.

Perhaps this dilemma of deer over population and troop training readiness can be remedied.

A remedy that allows for culling of the excess deer population while at the same time providing very realistic real world training for reservists and Guardsmen.

[I do not mention training U.S. Marines as part of this blog entry. Marines can be considered always trained and ready to go!!]

This remedy would involve culling the deer population to a great extent. Culling that would be done by military reservists and Guardsmen.

What I have in mind here is something that you used to see in movies done in say the 1930's. A movie that takes place in India of the British Raj. Maharajahs and British aristocrats finding "sport" in hunting expeditions. Expeditions that were organized on a great scale.

As would be shown in the movie, a large number of peasants, barefoot and turbaned, would form a line and walk all in the same direction, hitting pots and pans, blowing horns, shaking rattles, yelling and screaming as they go. These peasants would be called the "beaters". Some of them WOULD carry large sticks and beat the thick brush as they walked along. To roust out small animals that would be driven before them. ANY animal, of any size, in the path of the "beaters", would be spooked and run in the opposite direction from which the beaters are approaching. Run in a direction TOWARD the maharajah and the British aristocrats, which are sitting, waiting, usually atop elephants, just awaiting fleeing "game" size animals to run into a clearing [read here, kill zone]. Upon spotting say a tiger, a deer, or other such "game" animal, the maharajah and his guests would then engage the beasts with rifle fire, killing as many as they can. "Sport"!!

In my scenario, helicopter gunships, with door gunners firing downward at the fleeing deer, would act in the same role as the maharajah and the British aristocrats atop elephants. As the fleeing deer enter a "kill zone", they would become targets for the gunners. In this way, swift and sure culling can be accomplished.

A variety of military units, from all branches of the Army, can participate in this culling operation. This will closely resemble a combined arms operation. Holistic training. [I hate to use that new age word, "holistic", but I will for this blog entry. Seems to be very descriptive!!]

To include:

Intelligence units. Provide for an intelligence preparation of the battlefield [IPB]. Determine in what areas the most deer can be culled, with the greatest benefit to the environment, with the least amount of hardship, danger, and displacement to the local populace.

Civil Affairs units. Provide liaison with local governments. Anticipate in advance and plan for dispersal and removal of local populace during time of culling operation. Provide for alternative housing, reimbursement for inevitable damage to private property, etc.

Psychological Warfare units. Can prepare the local populace for the culling of the deer herd. Explain through a variety of media what is going to happen and why it is going to happen. WARN people of what to expect, and what to beware. Try to convince folks that this will be benficial for them. Anticipate in advance the protestations of "animal rights" and devise counter-arguments.

Artillery units. Fire off blank artillery rounds as part of the "beating" operation. Fire illumination rounds during night operations.

Transport units. Evacuate civilians from areas where danger may exist from "friendly fire". Bring troops into the "battle area". Sustain resupply as necessary.

Military Police units. Cordon off areas where culling process is in progress. Escort civilians to place of safety. Patrol evacuated areas to prevent looting. Prevent demonstrators and persons bent on disruption of culling operation from entering area.

Special Forces [SF] units. Set up special reconnaissance [SR] "hide spots" in forest preserve areas, using surreptitious entry methods. Occupy "hide spots" and sustain SR mission to provide "intelligence" on deer populations, areas of congregation, etc. Use trained tracking teams to provide data on deer populations. During time of actual culling operations, trained SF snipers, firing downward from tree stands, can participate in culling of deer, using SF sniper techniques.

Infantry units. Act as "beaters" during time of actual culling. Form line of troops, ten meters between each troop, and advance making a racket as they go. Yelling, screaming, firing off blank rounds. Drive the deer in one direction, toward the "kill zone". Conduct operations during both day and night, utilizing night vision gear for latter.

Army Aviation units. Fly over "kill zone" area during actual culling operations. Door gunners, using three barrel fifty [.50] caliber machineguns, shooting downwards, cull deer herded into "kill zone". Can also provide command chopper for "combat" commander during culling operation. Command chopper hovers over "battlefield", exercising control over troops as needed.

Medical units. Set up field hospital. Culled deer will be brought in for analysis. Culled deer will be weighed, measured, checked for disease. Sveterinariansbutcher and quarter and prepare for veternarians to examine. Suitability of meat for distribution to soup kitchens and food pantries will be determined.

Signal units. Set up an elaborate, one-of-a-kind communications network to support the culling operation.

Some of you will be asking, undoubtedly, IS COOLBERT MAD, OR HAS HE LOST CONTROL OF HIS SENSES!!! And this response is understandable. NONE of this will occur, or could EVER occur. It will just NOT be so.

As I have said, this blog entry IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!

[At the same time, I would also hope for a much more enlightened and enviromentally correct policy to wild deer populations. DO NOT allow the deer to proliferate in numbers that overwhelm the landscape in a way it was not meant to be overwhelmed. Make sure the natural order is maintained, even it means using methods you ordinarily would not use. Maintain the balance of nature, do not allow it go get out of kilter.]

But it does illustrate how real world, intensive, realistic trademonstrates be done. Especially in wartime. And demonstates HOW combined arms training CAN be implemented. This it DOES DO!!

coolbert.